Welcome back to my myth-busting series!
(If you missed either of the first two, read them here: Myth #1 and Myth #2.)
Today’s myth isn’t about what “self-regulation” is or isn’t, but rather about what it can and can’t accomplish.
❌ MYTH #3:
If you (the parent) master “self-regulation,” all will be unicorns and rainbows. (That’d be nice, wouldn’t it? 🌈🦄)
I’ve noticed a bit of a pendulum swing in the world of parenting these days.
There’s a lot of messaging about the importance of parents learning to regulate their own emotions, so they can co-regulate and support their kids.
Which is AWESOME, and I am 100% on board with that. (Obviously, since it’s the focus of my upcoming free webinar.)
BUT… I’m noticing the messaging – and what parents are internalizing from the messaging – is swinging from one end (“My Kid is The Problem”) to another (“I am The Problem”).
The result? Parents worry that if there is any tension, stress, chaos, explosivity, etc, in their home, it’s entirely because they, the parent, haven’t mastered “self-regulation.” (Cue the guilt and shame spiral.)
Here’s the problem with this mindset:
👉 It’s not all about the parent. (#sorrynotsorry)
There are other big pieces of the puzzle here, not the least of which is:
🧩Understanding your child, including their strengths, challenges, and behavior. 🧩
Yes, your ability to remain regulated affects your child. Absolutely!!
AND other things also affect your child’s behavior and well-being.
AND your child’s behavior affects your ability to remain regulated.
It’s very hard – one might even say impossible – for anyone to stay “regulated” all the time…
…especially when there is a lot of stress, like frequent tantrums, meltdowns, and intense power struggles.
Not just because you haven’t “mastered” self-regulation, but because you’re human.
In other words, when you improve your understanding of your child, it will not only help you better meet their needs and reduce their challenging behaviors, but it will also help you on your own quest for self-regulation.
So, while my upcoming webinar on Feb. 4 is focused on the parent piece of emotion regulation, I want to say loud and clear that this is just one piece, and that the goal isn’t to be “perfectly regulated” but to be “regulated enough,” as a (huge, foundational, critical) first step in calming the chaos and creating a more peaceful home.
Ready to take that first, important, foundational step? Click here to register for the free event.
I hope to see you there!
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